Day 7

Reality is slowly starting to creep back in.

We are holed up inside with everything locked as looters are at a high.

It's disgusting to think that at a time of crisis that is what we're worried about. No respect. I thought my country was better than that.

Watching the news, day 7, is still grim. No one has been found alive for 5 days, and hundreds are still trapped under rubble. Everytime the thought creeps into my head I well up, then I can't help but cry uncontrollably.

You see on the news, disasters and countries at war. I always have felt so sad and sympathetic for the people affected. But then the news is over, and a comedy comes on.. and all is forgotton.

It's just so different when you are in that disaster.

Yesterday I drove to buy some food, about 10 blocks from my house. When I got to the end of the street I saw sights I never wanted to see.

The whole line of shops had collapsed, to the point where you knew no one had survived that. There were still people inside, trapped... presumed dead. Search and rescue arrived for the first time yesterday, they've been in the city centre a few blocks away looking for people there.

A digger was lifting rubble off piece by piece as the S&R ran in to see if they could see even just a hand or piece of clothing to give them an idea of where to search next. Body bags line the sidewalk, some full, some waiting to be filled.

Now I sympathise on a whole new level with Haiti. Our lives are never going to be the same again.

I remember sitting at work and reading about Haiti on the internet when it happens and feeling so upset for them, I spared what money I had left in my account and donated it online then and there.

Our city needs 10 billion dollars to get back on its feet. And as a country of 4 million... we just don't have it.

I hope others, all over the world do the same as I did. Donate. Even a few dollars. For Christchurch.

http://www.redcross.org.nz/donations

Christchurch Earthquake 22 Feb 2011 - Round 5000....

As i know my blog is a readerless one... I write this for myself.

I have hope, because I have nothing else.

The last 4 days have been horrific. I feel guilty for finding some normality in my life today.

I fled town the morning after the quake... after sleeping in a tent in the middle of lawn, after eliminating the risk of what could fall and where to put the tent, we settled in with one cat (the other ran away) and a radio and lay there. Listening to sirens, alarms, helicopters, screams.... there was no sleep. We lay awake listening intently to the radio reports to keep us up to date with the world. Wanting to help but being helpless. An entire city without power, half a million people having no idea of the scale of the tragedy that would unfold in following days. The world watching on...horrifying images of disaster that just doesn't happen here. We remember how we reminded ourselves of how lucky we were for our entire city to escape unscathed on September 4, a miracle... we prayed to god and thanked him for sparing us our lives. This time, we weren't so lucky. It was a grim reality.

A drive that would take me 20 minutes took me four and a half hours to get home from work. A 4 and a half hour drive that would take me on a rollercoaster of emotions.

Not knowing if I would see my partner again, I was stuck on a 20m high bridge for an hour filled with aftershocks that I thought would see the end of me, a billboard for flights to Australia swinging just metres from my car. I screamed for my life. Then I wished, that I was in Australia!

Finally made it home. I couldnt get in my gate as the ground had lifted and blocked it. Found some kind of super human strength to ram it open enough to squeeze through.

My partner, alive and safe with co-workers were drinking wine and beer in the middle of the lawn. They all worked in the centre of town and we're traumatised by what they saw. Climbing over bodies to escape for themselves, seeing things that would haunt them for the rest of their lives.

As I walk inside my house, I am floored by what I see, we lost everything. Hearing rumours that people have lost their lives, metres from my home.. I realise that I don't care about my belongings. My partners mother, working in The Press building that crumbled hasn't replied to a text message, phone networks are overloaded. We decide we have to get to her house to see if she is ok.

We walk through sewage, bare foot... but we don't care. It starts to poor with rain as we walk across town, over broken road... trying to see in the dark where we are walking as to not fall in cracks in the road. The sights we saw....

We make it there to find a traumatised mum who will never forget what she saw.

We share a cigarettes, my first in years.... and listen intently to the radio in the dark... surrounded by fallen food and broken glass.... and a single lit candle.

Surreal..

After a sleepless night we flee the city to the countryside to stay with my parents.

Today we return to assess the damage, salvage what was left and try and make our house a home again.

We find the two adjoining houses are rubble... we don't know our future.

But tonight.. we are going to sleep.

All things are replaceable, lives are not. We keep telling ourselves that.

I feel guilty if I am not watching the news. If I laugh... guilt.

Everyshake sends my heart into a frenzy.

The unknown is what i am afraid of.

Will it ever get better... will we ever have a city again.

What will the future hold.

missing missy

My darling kitty went missing last week, 5 days and we just about gave up when he traipsed in the door looking mighty hungry and completely oblivious to all the drama he had caused.

Since I have never really been a cat person till i got my one this year, I have never been very sympathetic to those who had lost their cats.

Im sorry to all of you! I take it all back!

God help me when he does go..!

This photo is so beautiful I had to post it.

I love how Nicole has transformed herself since becoming a mum, and I wish like hell I had her sense of humour and style. I find her utterly hilarious!